Love

1. What it was (when you first met)

Eros—passive (romance is all about YOU, not your MATE; being with them does something for YOU—more selfish than selfless)
Men marry women hoping for no change, but they do; women marry men hoping for change, but they don’t
Our whole culture is geared to convincing us that eros is love, that being loved is more important than loving, and that being loved depends on being attractive. So we buy suits, dresses, hair spray, toothpaste, mouthwash, makeup, deodorant, and other assorted aids to make us more attractive, so that hopefully someone will fall in love with us and make us happy. This exaggerated emphasis on eros accounts for a large percentage of all broken marriages

· Philia is love’s halfway mark—give a little, get a little; a fifty-fifty proposition. A couple can make it on this kind of love as long as each one does his part and the circumstances of life remain fairly steady. If one partner fails to contribute his share, however, or if unusual stress is introduced (financial crisis, serious illness, in-law tensions, sexual problems, child-rearing problems, etc.), the friendship suffers. Philia can’t take the strain. It finally becomes selfish and demanding, and comradeship turns to conflict. The only hope for stable, successful, fully satisfying marriages is to grow to the highest level of love.

· 1 Jn 4:19

2. What it is (or, what it should be)

Love as action (all words used to describe love in 1 Cor 13 are ACTION verbs)

· This level of love is agape. It does not seek pleasure for itself, but instead delights in giving. It is not kindled by the merit or worth of its object, but originates in its own God-given nature. Agape keeps on loving even when its object is unresponsive, unkind, unlovable, or completely unworthy. It desires only the good of the one loved. It lives to make the loved one happy, whatever the personal cost or sacrifice. It doesn’t give fifty percent and expect fifty percent in return. It gives one hundred percent and expects nothing in return.

Those I counsel spend more time preparing for their wedding than they do their marriage
Cycle of respect and love: Eph 5—men need respect, women need love. Since women are responders, when men demonstrate love to their wives, wives respond with respect. By contrast, when men fail to demonstrate love to their wives, wives respond with little or no respect. When women show little or no respect to their husbands, husbands in turn continue to neglect their wives. The cycle continues, and is ultimately destructive.
Beware of your thoughts (Mat 5:28)—flee fornication, like Joseph. We have a tendency to return to how Love first affected us: that is with passion (Eros). When we entertain such emotions, we are in danger of committing adultery.

3. What it will be

· Jesus was asked a complicated question about heaven by the Sadducees, who gave a scenario of a woman who married 7 men (sequentially, since they all died prematurely) in her lifetime. They asked whose wife she would be in heaven. Jesus answered: "You are mistaken, not understanding the Scriptures, or the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22:29-30) In other words, there will be no marriage or sexual differences among those in heaven, since reproduction is unnecessary. This concept is supported by other biblical verses that indicate that males and females are spiritually equal. The same concept applies to the races. I doubt that there will be racial differences in heaven.

A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married. The disappointed groom took St. Peter aside and asked him if it was still possible for them to be married. “I’m afraid you’ll have to wait,” St. Peter replied. “Check back after five years, and if you still want to be married we will talk about it.” Five years passed and the couple came back, repeating their request. “Sorry, you must wait another five years,” St. Peter told them. Fortunately after the wait St. Peter said they could be married. The wedding was beautiful and at first the couple was happy, but then they realized they had made a mistake. They went to see St. Peter, this time to ask for a divorce. “What?” St. Peter asked. “It took us ten years to find a minister in heaven, and now you want a lawyer?”
Although marriage is good and represents the most intimate relationship we can experience on earth, it should not be idolized. If you love your spouse more than God then he/she has become an idol. The most important commandment is to love God "with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." We will be with our loved ones in heaven (for those who believe). However, we will not be married to our spouses, since that relationship will be superseded by our relationship with Jesus, since we will be "married" to Jesus. This is not the description of a sexual relationship, but a description of an intimacy that is only approximated by what exists between a husband and a wife. Marriage on earth is merely a glimpse of the relationship God intends to have with us in heaven. It is the purpose for which we were created. Religion that substitutes marriage and family as an idol in place of God is a false religion.

Conclusion: Our marriage is a picture of God and the nation of Israel, or of Christ and the Church. God DEMONSTRATED His love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Husbands, be willing to give your life for your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. And foster a relation with your Creator now—for it is to Him you will ultimately be joined.