ONE-LINERS
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
For
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet
engines.
Early bird get the worm, but the
second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we
met.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 States.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charge with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty
crowded.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people
have.
Televangelists: The
Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, your in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
lazy.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on
the door?
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a
freedom fighter fight?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what
happens?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but
when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?