Things You WILL NOT Hear a Southerner say...

We don't keep firearms in this house.

You can't feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

Wrasslin's fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We're vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

Who's Richard Petty?

Give me the smaller bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

Checkmate.

She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

I don't have a favorite college team.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Elvis who?

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

That's o.k., we don't need any gravy.

Take that pink flamingo ornament off the lawn, are you crazy; what would the neighbors think? (Note: lawn boy statue can be substituted)

We can't possibly use another black velvet Jesus or Elvis portrait at this house.

What in the world are Chester and Thelma Mae going to do with 20 pounds of deer bologna?

Don't put the old refrigerator on the front porch; it looks tacky.

Can you believe Delmas and Bobbi Sue are burning trash? It's bad for the environment!

Let's get them huntin' dogs spayed.

Where's the nearest Midas Muffler Shop?

Can we do boneless chicken breasts in Marsala Wine Sauce tonight? I'm tired of fried chicken.

I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex

Duct tape won't fix that.

Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?