The Following Were Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:

1. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

2. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL, 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

3. FREE PUPPIES. PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG

4. GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

5. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT. BEEN OUT AWHILE. BETTER BE REWARD.

6. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

7. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE. ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

8. 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

9. TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

10. COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED. ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

11. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

12. NORDIC TRACK $300, HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

13. SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

14. HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER. "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

15. HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

16. GEORGIA PEACHES. CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

17. PARACHUTE FOR SALE. NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

18. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

19. EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

20. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

21. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER. $300.

22. ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

23. OPEN HOUSE, BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

24. FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.